"Here, At The End of All Things........"

My Online Journal

My Thoughts on Lin Bei Fong

Okay, so I rarely comment on TV Shows. But there has been a lot of talk online about Lin Bei Fong on The Legend of Korra because of this scene.

Alot of people have been saying things like "Oh poor Lin, She has lost so much, now she lost the only thing she had left". Alot of people are looking at this as Lin's moment of defeat.

I do not see that as a moment of defeat. Resignation, maybe. But it seems more like acceptance. She knows the price for he silence is her bending. And she is not going to fight that. because her bending is not as important to her as her friendship and family. She would not keep her bending if it meant betraying the people she loves.

Also, we seem to be making this about her bending. The defiance in her eyes was not about defending her bending abilities, its about defying Amon. And even in losing her bending she HAS defied Amon.

I think it’s interesting to also note, Nearly everybody else fought like hell to protect their bending powers. Lin did not. Never once did we hear her talking about fearing losing her bending abilities. She felt sorrow that “other” people were kidnapped and had their powers forcibly taken away. Yes, of course, because she is a compassionate person.

But she fought like hell to defend the people she cared about. Her officers, Korra, Tenzin and his family. Never for herself. When she was captured she had to have known what would happen. Yes she was defiant, But it had nothing to do with her powers, it had to to with standing up to a bully (a bully who interestingly enough claims HE is standing up to bullies). She knew what would happen when and if she was captured. She didn’t shrink away when Amon approached and she didn’t even blink when he offered her his ultimatum. Her look of defiance was meant to show Amon he will not win. Closing her eyes was her accepting and being at peace with what she knew was coming.

People have also refered to Lin as a Broken Bird

On the surface, yeah I guess it kinda fits. But I don't know... this makes her seem like a victim.  And I don’t see her as a victim here. And honestly, if you look at it… Amon forced her to make a choice… If she fought to save her bending and he took it away, then yes, she would have had it taken from her.

But like I said before, it was NEVER about her bending for her. Never once did Lin ever fear or talk about losing her bending. She wanted to protect others from becoming victims, because that is what she does. She protects people. But she was given the choice. "Tell me where they are, or I take your bending". She could have said no, AND fought to keep her bending… But she didn’t… because it was never about that.

Her friends, and family were more important to her than her bending abilities. Her powers were not taken from her. She GAVE THEM UP. that is a BIG difference.

We don’t know the full story about her and Tenzin and Pema, we don’t know the circumstances in which Toph passed away. But from what we have seen of the character, I would never call her a victim. She is far from a victim. On the surface, yeah she kinda fits the trope… but there is just something that does not ring true for me. Sure, she has had a lot of shit happen to her. But I don’t feel that there is anything inside her broken, or in despair…

Again, I keep seeing people say “Oh poor thing she lost her bending powers, now she has lost everything.” No, no she didn’t. She gave up her powers.

Further more, her powers did no make her badass. what made her badass was that she was Goddamned Lin Bei Fong. Her powers didn’t make her cool. Being who she was made her cool. Standing up for the people under her protection: he friends, family, loved ones is what made her cool.

I will never ever see Lin as a victim or some one to be pitied. No. She is a goddamned hero. Nothing else.

I have this posted over in my tumblr too incase you are interested. http://fanboywatchtower.tumblr.com/post/25461936311/okay-so-i-rarely-comment-on-tv-shows-but-there

Review on Perry Moore's HERO
So I have had this book since the beginning of the Spring Semester. I have always meant to read it, but as anyone who is an English Major can tell you, we rarely have time to read for fun or leisure. Not that I didn’t enjoy the books I read during the semester (I took a class on the Harry Potter series so that was fun :) but other than finishing off the Hunger Games series, this book was the first book I have been able to read just for fun since the semester finished and Summer started.

This is my first review of anything, but I really felt I needed to talk about this book. As I have never written a review before please forgive me if it seems a bit… jumbled. If i continue to write reviews I am sure I will get better.

Okay. Now on to the Book.

This book is called Hero and it was written by Perry Moore. It stars a young guy named Thom Creed. He is the son of Hal Creed, a former superhero by the name of Major Might who now lives in disgrace after a tragedy that occurred at a place called Wilson Tower. What ever event took place there cause the death of many people and cost Major Might one of his hands and his career as a superhero.

Not only is he Shunned by the Populace, he is also shunned by his former friends and allies in the Superhero Community. Namely the preeminent superhero team known as The League.

This leads to bitterness towards the entire superhero community, particularly Heroes with Superpowers.

So when Young Thom Creed discovers he has the power to heal any living thing he touches, inadvertently helps in a villain take down, AND gets invited to join The League itself, a dream he has had for a long time you can bet the first person he runs to tell will NOT be his father.

On top of that, Thom has another secret he has been keeping from everyone. You see, Thom is gay. Something else his tough, ex-superhero, war veteran father would probably not be too happy about.

So between sports, community service, his various jobs and trying out for THE superhero team of superhero teams, Thom must find a way to balance his life and come to terms with his father and with who he is.

I REALLY LOVED this book. It was fun, funny, emotional, and very character driven.

The stars of this book, and what really pushes the book forward are Thom's relationships with the other characters.

Thom is a great guy. He’s athletic, hardworking, and kind. He want’s to make a difference in the world for the better even before he discovered he had super powers. But he is not perfect. His inability to control his powers is actually a reflection of his inability to see people as they really are. Fixing the external injuries of other’s is easy, but to truly master his abilities he needs to be able to look past the surface and see what is hurting inside a person.

And I think that that is what makes this book what it is. We get beyond the surface of these characters. All the main characters of this book are complex individuals. Fiery Pyrokinetic Scarlett is not just a hot head. Typhoid Larry, the walking germ factory is braver and more loyal than he gives himself credit for. Golden Boy the speedster, is more than just an arrogant ass, and despite the fact that she is an old woman, Ruth the Seer is one woman you do not want to mess with. Then there is the Mysterious Dark Hero who seems to be following Thom every where for some reason. Then there is Goran, who is at first Thom’s rival on the basketball court, and later becomes his friend. Thom can’t stop thinking about Goran’s eyes, which are dark and intense to the point of making him seem like he is able to reach into Thom’s very soul, making him feel things he never felt before. And then there is his Hal, who’s rough and tough exterior hides so much more than Thom ever knew. Or his mother who disappeared when he was just a child.

All of these people are instrumental to Thom’s journey. All these people help him reach his potential while he helps them heal the hurts they have been keeping inside. And in doing that, in helping them, he might learn how to heal the hurt inside himself.

The Story itself, is also great. A world full of superheroes and villains. There are somethings that are REALLY cheesy. There are the obvious, and by obvious I mean REALLY obvious references to “Real” Superheroes. Superman= Both Uberman and Justice, Wonder Woman= Warrior Woman, Aquaman= King of the Sea, Batman= Hal Creed and Dark Hero (both of whom are the only non powered heroes).

There is also a murderer who targets the heroes that Thom must help to solve.

Maybe it’s because I am an English Major, but there were some plot points i was able to deduce pretty easily. The Identity of Dark Hero is pretty clear if you are paying attention to the story, The man Thom meets on a rainy night was also obvious after the fact. But none of these things take away from what is the actual meat of the story. Thom’s personal journey and the choices that means he must make.

There is Fun, there is joy, there is heart ache, there is tragedy, and there is the story of a young gay man who learns what being a hero really means.

It’s a great read. I am really saddened by the Death of Perry Moore last year. He had wanted to Write a few more stories in that series, and was in the process of having a movie/tv series base on the book. I really hope that despite his death this will still happen.

I don’t think I have ever read another book like this before and have been trying to find another one since. I highly recommend it. If anyone knows of any other LGBT Superhero, science fiction, or fantasy stories that you would recommend (or even stories that are not LGBT per-say but have LGBT main characters) then please do not hesitate to mention them. I would love to read them and Maybe even review them on here!

Break Down:
Funny “Commentary” on superhero Genre: Heroes’ dislike of Aliens, Magic, Time Travel and Mind control among them.

Some what cheesy at some points: The “real” Superhero stand ins could not be more obvious. Might as well have painted a big red “S” on Justice’s Chest.

A lot of flashbacks that can get confusing if you are not paying attention.

Very character driven: You learn a lot about not only Thom, but the other main characters as well.

Tells the journey of a young superhero who just happens to be gay. Yes, being gay is a significant thing, and at one point it is a significant plot point. But the story is not about “A gay Superhero”. Being gay is only part, a significant part yes but still just a part, of who Thom Creed is.

It has a lot of HEART. It has Drama, tongue in cheek genre savvy humor. Most importantly it has Love: romantic, and filial as well

Anyways, I give this Book A 9/10

Decisions, wants, and desires
Supergirl costume

I am begining to think that i am incapable of loving... and by this I mean about being in love.... i mean i have been in lust before, but truth be told they were never real "Relationships." there is no real emotion there on either side... it's just, well mutual gratification... and for the most part, that was fine. i was content with flings...

But i want the real thing now.... i want be be with some one and talk for hours on end about nothing, i want to be able to go to a movie, or to dinner or just sitting down having coffee, or being alone no words, not talking i want to look into eachother's eyes and not need to say anywords... to look into the other pair of eyes and just see, love... i want some one who i can talk to about anything. Some one when all we have to do is be next to eachother or holding each other and we feel complete, content... I want some one i can be passionate with, and also be content with sitting oposite eachother as we read or estch TV or something.... it's all stupid i know.

Yes messing around is fun and pleasing in that moment, but it just leaves me feeling empty inside... hollow....they are hollow and empty... but I want a lot of things... i want my family to not be int the position they are in right now, i want to be open with my family about who i am.

But i think what i want most of all is to have some one who will be there waiting outside as i tell my parents, who will wait for me all night and who will be there to hold me and kiss and tell me it's okay... some one who will comfort me as i cry into his shoulders and tells me he loves me and that he is there for me.

I know its stupid, but its what i want, i mean i want that...

so i have come to a decision, one i am going to try to stop "LOOKING" for this person... it's one of those things that can't be forced. and second, i am going to try and stop these pointless, "relationships" the ones i get into just for gratification... sometimes i lead some of them on just to get what i want, and i think they know it, and sometimes i know they lead me on.... it's not fair to them and it's not fair to me... and in the end it just leaves me feeling empty....

I want to be able to hold someone's hand or touch them and feel that "spark", feel whole, some one i can get lost with and yet who will be there to show me the way back.... i know, pathetic huh?

But yeah, maybe i should just let love find me, maybe if i stop looking and stop going on these empty relationships then maybe the real one will enter the picture.. i don't know... but yeah is there anything wrong with wanting that? with wanting that? wanting to feel that?

anyways i gotta go, and no before you say it, no i am not depressed, i guesse you can say i am determined... i know eventually i will find love... however long it takes... i want it now... but i think this is something worth waiting for..... it doesn't stop the loneliness though......

I have been thinking....

okay. I have days like this, and not this is not one of those days where i feel like picking up the razor blade. No what i am feeling now is more like.... Well let me put it to you this way. Have you ever felt like just picking up and leaving? I mean just getting in a car, or just grabbing your stuff hitching a ride, or jumping on the bus and just leaving and just letting it take you where ever. And it's for no apparant reason. i mean i have not had a bad week, or even so much as a bad day. i just. I just want to not be HERE. (And no this is not a metaphor for suicide so calm down.) i just I don't even know how to explain it... i just don't want to be here anymore. I want to go some where, ANY WHERE i just don't want to be HERE. I know its stupid but... i mean i wonder, what would happen if i just picked up and left? I might met a few nice truckers :-) *sigh* i know i'm just being stupid. but that doesn't change how i am feeling....

second thing though, well a bunch of people want me to be in the choir at my church, but i don't know. I mean i love to sing, it's just been such a long time since i have sang, my voice is probably shit right now. secondly i dont know how i feel about singing at church. when i go to church i just want to go to church, i want to feel alone inthe church, i know it sounds stupid for several reasons but, i go to church to be alone with god, and i sing to him from my pew, you know. it's a personal thing, being up there makes it... i don't know less personal... but alot of people think i should and i DO miss singing... i just don't know what to do. part of me wants to, but another part of me doesn't want to because i haven't sang i god knows how long and because i don't know, i just don't feel comfortable doing it.... *sigh*

yeah i know totally rambling.

anywyas... Oh sid bar... i am watching Final Destination II and all i can say is Damn! That pile up in the beggining is fuckn' scary! Like, Damn! I kinda like part one better only because of the Empathic link Clear and Alex had... that was really cool and it kept me on the edge of my seat... well i guess i'll just go and finish the movie, it gets you thinking... you know, I mean... wow, all the little seemigly random occurances...freaky....

*sigh* yeah... i still wanna get out of here.... well 21st is only a couple of weeks away..... at least i have something ot look foward to, and if things go okay i will be hanging with some friends next week so... yeah here's hoping....

Okay i am in a total Harry potter mood right now, but i have a question Those of you who have seen the movies or read the books know what the mirror is.

the Mirror of Erised says that "I show not your face but you heart's desire." when harry looked into the mirror he saw his parents, and all the family he never knew with thier hands on his shoulders, basically it showed him with a family that loved him and was proud of him.

now my question is this, If you were to stand infront of the Mirror what would you see?

as for me, i would see my family happy all bills and debts payed, and accepting and loving me for who i am. i would also be with my friends, we would be together having fun and happy, so in other words, in the Mirror, i would see myself happy an surrounded by those i love.

what would you see in the mirror, what is your deepest heart's desire? *note: i do not mean superficial desires like, i want an A on my next test, what do you want, what do you most desire in the world?*

Part IV: Interlude
Supergirl costume
Okay so i decided to continue with the story i have been writing... now let me know what you think of park four. it's just an interlude of sorts, but it sets up one of the groups/characters i have playing in my story :-).

The room was abysmally dark, the only light came from the center of the room, a bright shaft of light shown, illuminating the center in an eerily glowing circle, yet there seemed to be no source to the light, the light was simply there.

A man dressed in a white suit, that seemed to burn bright with aid of the mysterious light, and white framed sunglasses, approached the center of the room knelt down on one knee, and bowed his head in reverence.

“The Message was delivered as per my instructions?” said a deep yet melodic voice, coming from everywhere and nowhere all at once.

“Yes my Lord.” Said the man in the white suit.

“Does he suspect?” the melodic voice asked.

“No, not at all. Our agents will intercept them and offer them our ‘help,’ when the time is right.” He said, his head still bowed, not looking up at all towards the source of the entrancing voice.

“Very good my son, very good. He will bring the others, they will aid him. They will aid us. Soon the time will be right, soon all our waiting will come to fruition. Justice will be served and the ones who wronged us will be punished. Go forth my child make sure things go as they should.”

“Yes my Lord.” The man placed his right fisted hand over his chest and it too seemed to glow. He removed his hand from his chest and held it out as if presenting it to the darkness. On the palm of his hand there was as strange glowing symbol. The symbol was that of a hand holding up a torch. The symbol began to glow brighter and brighter until it was brighter than the light he was kneeling in and at which point, the light vanished and so did the man in the white suit. All that was left was the abysmally dark room and the circle of source-less light that now seemed slightly less bright than when the man entered. And if there were anyone in the darkroom anymore, they might be able to hear a soft humming sound that seemed to be the sound of some one content.

(no subject)
Supergirl cape
ok well things are not as bad as i thought they were...

i mean they are not great, but they are just the normal crisies. nothing more than what i would normally face

so yeah. glad i didn't do anything stupid yesterday (mainly due to the fact that i could not find my razor blades)
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ok well things are not as bad as i thought they were...

i mean they are not great, but they are just the normal crisies. nothing more than what i would normally face

so yeah. glad i didn't do anything stupid yesterday (mainly due to the fact that i could not find my razor blades) <I'M KIDDING, I'M KIDDING! i have been told that that joke is never funny....I promised people i wouldn't do stupid stuff like that again and i have been a good boy, well in that respect at least :->

so yeah i apparently reacted before i had all the facts, it's nothing i can't handle though, however i may need a friend, or feind to talk to every now and them... *sigh* that trip is looking pretty good right about now, can't wait.

well i start school next week at PCC, decent classes, except for the math one but i have already take it once so it's bound to be easier this time right?

okay so this is my class schedule:

& Thursdays: Anthropology I 1:00pm-2:35pm
Math 131(pre algebra) 4:20pm-7:00pm

Wednesdays: English 49B Film as Literature 1:00pm -4:20pm

not bad, no late nite classes. anyways so yeah, all back in a nutshell, i am doing okay now.... should probably see a shrink about all the stuff in my head... or meditate, what ever. anyways no need to worry about me any more, well any more than usual :-)


My so-called life.....
I hate my life, I really fuckn' hate it!

and you know what, it fuckn hates me too!

You know what it's like when everything seems to be going okay? Life is pretty good. i had my things in order and it was pretty okay.

Then out of no where life come over kicks you in the balls and procedes to kick you over and over even after you fall on the ground....

i fuckn' hate my life. what's the point? goddammit!

i probabaly won't be online to much for a while.... i be back as soona s i can.

Part III
"Luke? Luke?... Lucas!" said the voice at the other end of the phone.

"Hmm? Adam? what? oh... No, yeah I'm fine, just another head ache. No I'm fine... Yeah I felt that vibe too. Any idea what it means? Well I'm sure it's nothing. Any ways, i need to go math class starts in a few minutes. I'll call you later if your not at work. Okay bye bro."

Lucas had just gotten out of his Film class at the local community college and he had two hours until his math class had started so he decided to call Adam, when it was time for his class to start he told Adam that he had to go.

Lucas hated math. He could never understand it. History, art, theater, literature, he understood, but polynomials flew over his head.

As he made his way to the class that he really had no interest in being in, he had the strangest feeling. Like he was being followed... he turned around to see if his thoughts were validated or if he was just being plain paranoid... this vibe he had was starting to get to him.

As he began to scan the area he saw two girls chatting about a movie they had just seen, a girl at a vending machine kicking it after the machine had taken her money and presumably had not given her the item and behind her was a man, he guessed her boyfriend or friend who was laughing at her because he had told her that that machine was broken and she did it anyway, his laughter however was cut off by a glare she gave him. Over to the right was a man sitting on a bench talking into his cell phone. Lucas looked at him for second or two... he looked familiar.

He shook his head. "Lucas, your being paranoid. Math class has gotten you too stressed." as he approached the door to his math class he sighed... "Well off to the land of quadratic equations."

When the class was over Lucas came out feeling like he had just been hit by truck carrying a load of irregular polynomials.... twice. "I hate math." he said to himself....

Then he got that feeling again.

He looked up and saw the same man he had saw before class sitting on a bench near his class talking into the cell phone again. "Okay maybe it's just a coincidence." he thought to himself, that is until thier eyes met and the man looked away quickly as if trying to play it off.

Lucas' eyes narrowed and he made his way for the newly built parking structure. Lucas could feel the man still following him.

He made his way for fairly secluded section of the parking structure. As Lucas rounded the corner he hid. He stood there and waited, he could feel the man getting closer. His foot steps started getting quicker, like he didn't want to loose him. As the man rounded the corner Lucas grabbed him, spun him around and pinned him to the wall so that they were face to face. One arm was across his chest, the other held the man firmly by the throat.
"Who the hell are you and why the hell are you following me!"

"What the- I have no idea what they hell you are talking about buddy.I'm just trying to get to my car."

Lucas closed his eyes, as if trying to concentrate. "Your lying." he said upon opening them.

"No seriously. Please. i am just trying to get to my car, i left a class book in it."

"Drop the act, we both know you are lying! Now tell me the god damned truth or I swear i will make you tell me. Your choice, one involves little to know pain on your part. The other... well let's just say it will be a little more painful."

The man's facial expression changed from one of fear to a sneer.... the man's eyes began to glow slightly with a very slight red tint. His gaze was set behind Lucas. Lucas spun around to see a trash can fly in his direction.

He released the man's throat and held his hand up. The trash can stopped in mid and fell to the ground with a loud crash.

When he turned around his eyes were glowing with a slight blue tint.

"Let's try this again. Who the hell are you and why the hell are you following me!"

"You're a perversion you know that? a mistake. Your kind needs to be exterminated."

"Really, I'm sorry but i think you are going to have to be more specific, i get that 'You're a perversion thing a lot. for quite a few different reasons.' care to elaborate?" said Lucas.

"Your kind is a disease. Invading our minds, our thoughts, our dreams, our fears. You all need to be exterminated. cleansed from the earth." said the man.

"Says the man who made a trash can fly towards my head."

"Funny thing you can do with technology these days. We can duplicate our enemies' powers and abilities and use them to destroy you and your kind."

"Who the hell sent you!"

the man said nothing.

"Fine, we'll do this the hard way." Lucas raised his hand and touched the side of the man's head.

"I wouldn't do that if i were you?"

"Really? 'cuz it seems like a really good idea to me." Lucas said in reply

"Fine go ahead, you'll only hurt the body of this innocent man." then he thought for a moment. "Actually, go ahead. I proved my point here. This man has been brain dead for over a year. You could imagine the surprised when he, I mean I woke up this morning, one of the nurses started praising Jesus. It was actually quite funny, Until i caused thier frontal lobes to explode in thier heads."

"What the hell do you want..."

"To prove a point Lucas. There is a war coming, it's already here. A Secret war that no one knows about and no one will know about. You and your kind WILL be eliminated. We will cleans you from the planet. Purify this world. You and all your spirit calling, mind reading, spoon bending kind. Your a disease in the body of humanity and you will be destroyed. And the rest of the world will rest safe in the knowledge that your kind are nothing but comic books, movies, fables and legends. One way or another, you freaks will be cut out of the womb of humanity. Either by choice, or through death." with that the man's eyes rolled back into his head as blood dripped down his nose...

Lucas caught him and checked for a pulse.

"Nothing." he said to himself... "Damn!"

He picked up his cell phone and dialed... "Adam... It's me.... i think i know what that vibe we were feeling was all about. I can't talk. I don't think it's safe... meet me tomorrow. Yeah, you remember the old mall. Yeah four-o'clock. Okay see you then."

With that, Lucas took one last look at the body of the man. call the police with an annonmous tip from a pay phone then went to go meet his ride...

"Fuck... What the hell is going on."

Okay so yeah.... I get payed on monday. One would think, great you'll have money. Wrong... Well my work has been taking 131.61 out of my paycheck for the past three or so weeks. Which makes my check between 300-400 dollars a payperiod. Now my sister asked me if i could lend her 160 for her dental payment. I owe my mother 120. I have to pay my Bank 25.00 i have to pay my phone company about 100.00 i owe my Dentist 170 (i am going to have to skip payment on that again) i am going to ahve NOTHING left. On top of that my parents are behind in their house payments (which I usally help with but with the deductions in my paycheck i have been able to. on top of that i am really lonely. I am really as stressed as hell right now. I want to go away (i can take a few days off but what i sthe point? i have notheing to do and no money to do it with....god i really hate this.... i am going to have absolutly nothing left) and NONE of my or my parents expenses have been payed... god i ahte this! I want to scream, cry, bitch, moan, and punch soemthing... but why there is not point, it won't give me/us more money.... Did i mention i hate this!.... I know there are people with worse problems out there than me. but that does not change how i feel, nor does it in any way take away from the issues they are facing. I am just venting... no need to worry about me though.... I always get by....


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